Luke & Dad's Third Year and Three Quarters
Luke, you like a schedule and so do I. Arriving home at 7 pm, I am frequently met by a sonic boom of grunts and groans. Who knew that pooping signatures could rival the efficacy of voice and facial recognition? Like a caricature artist capturing essence in a pen stroke, a touch of these sounds and smells and I know it’s you! Unfortunately, this form of identification works in my NEA office restroom too.
I suppose I’m overly focused on your excremental behavior. Hell, it’s hard to ignore. Yesterday, you exited our bathroom with a strip of toilet paper streaming out the back of your jeans. You looked me in the eye and said matter of factly, “tyrannosaurus tail,” turned and marched on.
During Snowmageddon in February, you stole outside, jumped from our deck into three feet of snow, dug out your “peeps” from layers of clothing and peed patterns on the snow. Addressing my questioning look, you said, “I'm changing the color of the snow!”
Fortunately, our interest in the banal hasn't stunted an exploration of the abstract. Watching Pixar's The Incredibles, you asked why Mr. Incredible's RV rolled after a high speed turn. "Daddy, why is it crashing instead of turning?" Your vehicle fetish has a shockingly positive derivative: you've turned you into a little Newton discovering the first laws of motion!
I explained that if an object has movement in a direction, it doesn't want to give up. The more massive it is, the more stubborn it gets. We now have a little mantra, "Mass and Fast is Momentum!" You completely understand the concept. If a car has trouble stopping, you say, "it has momentum." Why does a truck have more trouble stopping? "It's bigger!" Does a stopped car have momentum? "No." Now we are working on the distinction between velocity and acceleration. From there we can attack force!
You may be more Einstein than Newton. Poking at a puzzle of different shapes, you paused and said, "Are the circles getting smaller because I am getting bigger?" Ahhh, the concept of relative measurement ... a couple more steps and you'll have the theory of relativity nailed!
The cherry blossoms are blooming here in DC yet I'm still reading The Night Before Christmas. Your true hero is no scientist but a right jolly old elf reinforcing that the path to your heart is littered with presents. Leave it to me to contort your affections into the monstrous "Santa Claus Effect." I reign in wayward behavior by announcing "Santa is watching you!" You have no fear of Mommy, Cashy or me but Santa ... he is control of the loot.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Posted by Harry R Weller at 12:00 AM No comments:
Labels: Excrement, Momentum, Netwon, Santa, Tyrannosaurus
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