Saturday, October 31, 2009

Crying Wolf

Luke and Dad’s Third Year and a Quarter

Your morning is a giddy white canvas anticipating the painters touch. The darker shades of evening, however, has depth your imagination reaches into. It's a magical time of day and you don't relish the end. "I want to stay up ALL night!" You resent the unrelenting bosses who impose sleep. So you stall!

Herding a thousand cats is nothing compared to putting you to bed. The wrestling starts with dinner which you view as the bedtime on-ramp, so you look for cover. I've tried many tactics to lure you to the dinner table. Creating a sense of urgency by counting down -- "I want you at the table in ... Three! Two! One!" -- used to work. Then a few weeks ago I started my countdown and was interrupted, "Daddy, Three! Two! NOOO!"

Eventually, hunger overcomes theatrics. Once you've eaten, it's bath time with Cashy. Unfortunately, entering and exiting the bath is a negotiation of flailing arms and legs thrashing for purchase and delay. Everyone gets soaked. I've created a nice incentive for you to get your pajamas on: I keep the temperature low!

As Rachel puts down Cash, you and I watch exactly 10 minutes of a Thomas the Train Engine video. Then we go to your bedroom carrying a baba and two passies, read one book (Sheep on a Ship is our current favorite) and head to the bathroom for the highlight of my day: brushing your teeth. Brushing your teeth involves thwarting germs that, left unabated, paint your teeth yellow with tiny paintbrushes. You are a very enthusiastic tooth brusher! When we are done, we smile together into the mirror comparing white teeth and test new facial expressions.

Now your mother takes over, reading a second story then she sings your special song, "My Lukey flies over the ocean, My Lukey flies over the sea ..." She plops you down to sleep.

By this time, everyone is exhausted from the ordeal and Rachel and I usually flop on the couch. Then, invariably, a call rings out from upstairs, "Mommy!! Daddy!! Come upstairs! I neeeeeeed you!" You cry wolf nearly every night and you are getting more and more creative with your call to action.

Luke's Top Ten Reasons for Calling Wolf

10. "Daddy, I peeped in my dipes!"
9. "Da Da, a storm is coming!"
8. "Daddy, I don't need you, I need ma ma."
7. "Daddy, leave the door WIDE open!"
6. "Da Da, I don't like my shirt."
5. "Daddy, what are you doing downstairs?"
4. "Daddy, my guitar is looking at me."
3. "Daddy, I'm sweating."
2. "Da Da, my passy has a dog hair on it."
1. "Daddy, why do I poop?"

Needless to say, you've developed a keen sense sense of humor. Even funnier are the collisions I have with your learning curve, or perhaps my learning curve? Last week you tired of one of my lectures, stuck a finger in each nostril and said, "Daddy, I can't hear you!"

Hilarious mistake or calculated humor?