Wednesday, December 31, 2014


Cash & Dad's Sixth Year and a Half

The infamous Cash Machine has a cult following at River School. Every time I drop you off, I am harrassed by one of your groupies — a parent, student, a teacher, administrator, whatever — and subjected to an enthusiastic retelling of your latest shenanigan.

Your superstar status is removed from the shy child of your yesteryear. Your former timidity rose from being youngest in your class, but it was misleading, concealing the free radical we experienced at home.

When I am introduced to a River School mom these days, the conversation typically goes something like this:

“Meet Harry Weller. He has two sons that go to River School."

River Mom: “Nice meeting you! Don’t you love that school! I have a daughter in the Pelican class."

Me: “I have a son in the Pelican class too. His name is Cash ..."

The River Mom’s eyes widen, her cheeks flush, she breathes as she says,

“YOU ... are CASH ... WELLER’S DAD ?!"

Me: “Uh, yes, I’m afraid so …"

I begin hearing pseudo-porno-pop in the back of my mind … Da Doom ta ta Mow Mow … Is this River Mom giving me me a saucy look?

The River Mom says, in a deeper, confirming voice:

“Yooou are Caaash Weller’s Dad …"

One thing I’ve learned about River School mom’s: they live vicariously through their daughters. And every Pelican girl has a crush on you to your great dismay.

So, you are a social creature like your grandfather Moore, a motormouth turbocharged by a wicked sense of humor and a competitive spirit stoked by your brother. You were just waiting to burst out, and once we got you properly aged for your class (just like your brother and me), it exploded forth. Boom!

Let me give you a couple further pieces of evidence. We recently flew on a United plane to Telluride and as you sat down you looked over to your seated neighbor and said,

“I talk a lot so you probably better just be OK with that."

Once in Telluride, Rachel took you on a horse ride and the guide noted as the horse started drinking water,

“He’s not drinking, he is drowning himself from the constant chatter!"

The flood of Cashy content isn’t just limited to speech, but comes forth also in writing. Unfortunately, some of your favorite subject come flying out too. Check out this note from XXXX:
I had the pleasure of sitting in the Pelicans today while they were creating short stories and illustrating. Well, Mrs. Petrillo gave them the starter “This is a…” and they had to draw a picture and write a story about anything they wanted. Cash decided to draw a picture of a toilet with some poop in it, then write a fascinating tale. It was hilarious. I died laughing.
I think he was expecting a reprimand, but I told him I have two boys and think poop is funny too. I also told him how much I liked his artwork and writing. He worked really hard spelling each word and used neat handwriting. He gave me a hug. Sweet Cash was so proud. Best day ever. Knew you would appreciate the humor in it, as well as the joy in seeing a child love to write (even if in a non-conventional way). :)
Hmmm. At least some good drawings came out of it.